I’ve been thinking a lot about compassion, action, and responding to the voice of God.
Fear of Being Wrong
When I first gave my life to the Lord in 1998, I was extremely responsive to His voice. I trusted that I heard Him, and I did or said what I felt He was leading me to do or say. I was quick to apologize if I heard wrong and always wanted to learn and grow in my relationship with Him.
Over the years I developed a fear of being wrong, of “missing it” – “it” being what I was seeing and hearing, so I started finding other ways to respond without actual action. I tried to find ways to be “safe.” After all, I didn’t want to embarrass God if I was wrong.
I started praying for people when I felt like I needed to go visit them. I’d send a text or email and check to see if they needed something other than just showing up. I’d reason or logic my way out of other leadings and promptings, certain that if I followed them, I’d be wrong and have to explain it.
Then, November 4, 2021, happened.
The Back Story
I’d been sick for over a week. On October 31st, I went to Urgent Care. I had a fever of 102.3 and was diagnosed with COVID pneumonia. They gave me IV fluids and were going to send me home but my blood pressure dropped drastically and the nurse called an ambulance and sent me to the Emergency Room.
In the Emergency Room, they did a couple of CT scans and confirmed that COVID was attacking my lungs and they gave me an additional bag of fluid. I spoke to the doctor and, since my fever was dropping and my blood pressure was back to normal, they sent me home, suggesting I try the monoclonal antibody treatment since I was within the time frame.
I had the monoclonal treatment on November 3rd. I drove myself to and from the hospital. I was feeling alright, just coughing, and feverish but I felt better than I had felt on previous days so I figured the antibiotics were beginning to work and this was my next step to conquering COVID.
She “Just” had a Feeling
That night, I began getting short of breath every time I rolled over in bed. My fatigue and muscle pain got worse, and I got a little scared. I’ve never had that much trouble catching my breath before, but I knew that I could get worse after the antibody treatment, so I figured it was just “normal.”
On the 4th the shortness of breath continued to get worse, but I was checking my oxygen levels on a pulse oximeter, and it was always right at 90. I didn’t realize I was using the meter wrong. In reality, my numbers were in the 70% range and I should have gone to the hospital. Instead, I went to bed for a nap to try to sleep it off. Thinking my numbers were at 93%, I ignored the fact that I was gasping for air and my chest felt like it was in a vice as I tried to get comfortable.
At some point, my friend felt something was wrong and like she needed to get to my apartment to check on me. She left work, skipped her errands, and came straight to my apartment (which was 26 miles from where she was working!).
She told me later that she could hear me struggling to breathe as soon as she walked in the door. She checked my oxygen levels, and they were at 35%. My lips were blue, and I was only occasionally responding to her as she told me to breathe and tried to get me into a position where I could, as she waited for the ambulance.
I vaguely remember hearing her voice and thinking I really needed to stay focused on it.
She could have done a lot of things differently. She didn’t know it was God telling her that I needed her. She didn’t know I was dying and that she was the only thing that stood between me and eternity. She just had a “feeling.” She didn’t have to reason it out. She did what I would have done years ago…she responded. She trusted the feeling and came and checked on me.
What If She had been Wrong?
What would have happened if nothing had been wrong?
Nothing.
She would have just taken Riley, my dog, out like she had originally planned. No problem. Her mind would have been put at ease, and, if my oxygen was as low as it had been before I laid down, she would have made sure I got to the hospital.
Would God have been “embarrassed” because she acted on her concern, on the compassion that had her skip her errands and come check on me?
Of course not, and why would He?
Love Acts
Today, I believe He loves it. He loves when we act out of love and concern. When we follow those inner promptings, whether we understand them or not. The Gospels show that Jesus, Who only did what he saw the Father doing and only said what He heard the Father saying, was frequently MOVED with compassion.
I’ve been thinking about this since the day she told me about the feeling and her response. What would I have done in the same scenario? Would I have left work and driven 26 miles to check on someone or would I have just prayed and tried to ignore the feeling that I needed to go and see if they were okay? Would I have texted or called, instead of going out of my way to respond to the prompting in my heart? Would fear of being wrong have kept me from allowing the love and compassion of God within me to respond?
Please understand, I’m not saying praying, calling, or texting is inappropriate or that those things can’t be exactly what is needed. I had hundreds of people praying for me, and many still are as I continue my recovery. That is action.
Occasionally a nurse or IV tech or doctor spoke encouragement to me – building me up, speaking life. Sometimes a text came, just when I needed it, or a message on Facebook from someone as I tried to keep people apprised of what was going on. All of it – action born from love, from compassion.
But I think it’s also easy to do the things that don’t require us to get uncomfortable. Praying, intercession, a call, text, or facebook message don’t usually require a lot from us. But getting in the car, driving to a friend’s house, to physically see if they are okay, has the potential for being really uncomfortable. And yet, if that is how God is leading, then it is the ONLY ACTION that is appropriate. That’s what I’m learning.
I’m discovering that whatever it is I see the Father doing or hear the Father saying is what I need to do or say. Sometimes it will be praying, sometimes it will be writing a letter or sending a card or email, sometimes a phone call or text, and…other times, it will be getting out of my house and going and being in person with someone.
Reasoning Out the Discomfort
It can be oddly uncomfortable to check on someone when you have no idea why, or to bring them groceries even if you have no reason to believe they need them. The fear and misgivings are real.
But I’ve been reasoning it out, asking myself some “what if” questions.
What would happen if I had a feeling something was wrong and I needed to go check on a friend, and I did that but nothing was wrong? Would they be offended or would they feel loved? Would they laugh at me for following through on that feeling or would they be grateful that someone cared that much about them?
What would happen if I felt like I needed to buy groceries or something else for someone and I did it and brought whatever it was to them? Would they feel humiliated and embarrassed or would they feel the compassion and care behind it?
If it were me and someone was going out of their way to ensure I was taken care of and had all I needed, even if I was fine and not in need of anything, I would appreciate their heart. It would make me feel loved and known. I would appreciate it. I would also spend some time in prayer to find out why God had sent them, what was the purpose of the items, and who were they for if not me.
Perhaps they were led to see me because they needed something from me and didn’t know it. Maybe they picked up those items because someone in my sphere of influence needed them and I would be able to get them to the right person.
So, if I were on the receiving end of that kind of action, even if I didn’t know why. I would celebrate the person’s obedience to God and their willingness to do something uncomfortable to act on what they were sensing to do. I would encourage them to continue stepping out in faith and seeking God for clarity when things don’t look as expected.
The reality is, in many cases, there is no way to say to someone, “You missed it.” because in our limited human understanding we don’t even know what “it” is.
Simply Follow
With all that in mind, I have purposed in my heart, with all my ability, to watch and see what the Father is showing me; to listen and hear what He is saying to me – in each moment. I have purposed to put aside pride and fear of embarrassment or shame and to do what I see Him doing. Only, rather than assuming I know His desired outcome and trying to make it come to pass, I will simply follow His lead and let the outcome rest with Him.
If I live and move and have my being IN HIM, doing my best to follow, then I will act, I will do something. My faith in Him and in our love relationship will produce rivers of action, the undercurrent being His heart beating through my life. And, love like that, it’s not embarrassing, it’s not shameful, it is always active and pouring out, changing lives, often in ways unnoticeable to the casual onlooker – but always making a difference that matters.
One person’s actions saved my life. I’ll talk later about the prayers that followed that availed much through my 27 days in the hospital…but prayers are actions, too.
Each one, doing what God asked them to do…and my life is changed, my hope re-awakened, and my passion for Christ and my calling reignited. Everything has changed. Following her heart, cost my friend very little, and yet it was a priceless and enduring gift to me that I will never forget.
WHAT IS ACTION?
Action is a response to that prompting in your heart to do something. It may be sending an email or mailing a card; buying groceries or sending money; sending flowers; or buying a specific item that you may not understand. It may be texting a song or a note or praying. It may be scheduling time together or showing up to check in. Action may be a hug, a smile, or a handshake. It may be a word of encouragement or support. Maybe it’s cookies or cinnamon rolls, an offer to pick up groceries, or running errands. Maybe it’s just something that says, “I’m thinking of you today.”
No one can say for sure because “action” is what YOU see the Father doing and hear Him saying and that will be different than what I see and hear, because our lives, roles, and gifts are different. It is always and only following His leading and if you aren’t sure what that looks or sounds like, then following that “feeling” in your heart and trying not to guess how it’s supposed to turn out. Just follow and trust…as the song goes “Trust and obey…” You respond, the results belong to God.
It can be helpful to keep a journal of the promptings you follow and what you learned in the process. It is a great reminder of how God speaks uniquely to you and the different ways in which He brings about results.
