In the hospital, the ICU bed was one that moved in different places randomly to increase blood flow since I spent most of my time in bed. Every time the bed moved, I thought it was Riley crawling into bed with me. Even with morphine and all the stuff attached, I instinctively reached for her. She was obviously never there, and I always cried, sometimes creating issues with my breathing or the mask I was wearing.
Imagine wearing a mask that covers your mouth and nose, that is forcing air into your lungs…then crying. Snot trying to come out of your nose while air is forced up it…yeah, problematic, especially when you can’t take the mask off yourself.
I never stopped crying when it happened, but I did stop feeling bad about it.
Crying isn’t weakness, in this case, it demonstrates a strength of love.
There were other times I cried. Thinking of the people in my life that I love deeply and think about often but haven’t seen or reached out to, sometimes in years. Did they know I love them? Did they have any idea how often I think of them, pray for them, miss them?
I cried with regret at first. Then, when I knew I would live, I cried with gratitude as I purposed in my heart to not let a day go by without expressing my love to those around me; to find ways to reach my loved ones, near and far to let them know my heart.
Today, snuggled up with my little girl beside me…. after having two weeks when I didn’t know if I’d ever see her again…I am reminded that this is the only moment we have to ensure we have no regrets when we reach death’s door.
I was just laying down for a nap on November 4th. I came very close to never waking up.
Take no moment for granted. Be mushy and lovey. Hug people. Smile. Call your friend. Send that card, text, email, or letter. Be honest. Let people know you love them, that they matter. Say the things you know you’d regret not saying if you never had the chance again.
Do the things you’ve dreamed. Write the book. Take the vacation. Adopt the child. Start the business. Take the class. Paint the picture. Don’t let t
Don’t make excuses, make a life.
